FOR more than a year we've waited.
Waited for a show about the power of rings and what effect they can have on people, making folk behave strangely, do odd things and lose their self-respect when it comes to chasing something precious.
We've been waiting on the reality show to rule them all, and in the darkness bind them.
No, not some out-of-this-world fantasy series based on the Tolkien books; we've been waiting on 2022's The Farmer Wants a Wife.
In just a few sleeps now, we'll all be greeted once again by the beaming face of Natalie "Nat" Gruzlewski, promising us an adventure into the love lives of five Aussie farmers looking for their darling/honey/sweetheart/chaser bin driver.
Oh, sure there's the promise of marital bliss, the union of two souls, the much heralded finding of "the right one" and all the gooey palava that goes with it, but deep down, that's not really why you're here.
Reality TV blogs are a dime a dozen, exploring the possibilities of the characters, the promises, the betrayals, the emotions and all that other surface level stuff; but not here.
Welcome to Farmers Watching Farmers Wanting Wives. Or inconveniently, FWFWW, for short.
Here at FWFWW, as we did last year, we aim to keep you updated by recapping each episode viewed through a rural lens.
It'll be the big issues that catch our eye, the things that rural producers and viewers care about:
- Why didn't she know how to crutch a ewe?
- How come the filthy dam mud is suddenly a therapeutic body scrub?
- How much did they pay to transport those pristine, fresh-cut hay bales onto the property?
- Who on earth has that many festoon lights hanging around their property?
- And why oh why would old mate tuck his ears into his Akubra?
There will no doubt be many elements to explore this season, as Farmer Ben, Farmer Benjamin, Farmer Harry, Farmer Paige, and Farmer Will entertain us with their carefully orchestrated awkward moments, well-scripted heart outpourings and amazement that none of the potential wives/husbands know how to change the rear diff of a '78 Landcruiser.
A new element
THIS year, just as Channel Seven has brought in an "expert" farmer-marrying celebrity in Samantha "Sam" Armytage, we too are introducing a new element: Odds On... with Uncle Clyde.
A straight-talking, broken down bookie who is no longer welcome at any racetrack in Australia, Uncle Clyde tells it how it is, or how it should be in his eyes anyway.
At the end of each column, Uncle Clyde will give his thoughts on the episode, plus the unofficial odds of something taking place in episodes to come.
SO jump online around lunch time after each episode to get your dose of Farmers Watching Farmers Wanting Wives, and find out what looking for love looks like in the bush.
Well, what it looks like in highly manicured, pre-prepared, spruced up properties shot with a soft focus, at least.
Tears to come
RIGHT, well we're off then are we? Uncle Clyde here, giving you the drum on what's to come in this show. Considering we haven't seen an episode yet, she's a bit hard to predict at this point. Early indicators suggest a wet track due to the flow of rejection tears from the sheilas being turned away. Lay it down.
- 2:1 - Blubbering in the first episode.